I was having hard times when I first arrived at The Dungeon. And it really change my life, and it also change who I am. Things are different Most teachers (not all, maybe 70%) are strict (my elementry teachers are very friendly), many people don't want to be friends with me, I felt left out, surrounded by freaking stiffs. It's like being the only Dauntless in a place that's full of Abnegations, last but not least the rules.
Bunch of rules to deal with
People who lived in a dungeon are called "Prisoners". So in my opinion, I feel like I'm a prisoner who have to deal with a bunch of rules. Here are some examples :
- No Nail Polish / Make up
- No long nails
- No Contact Lens
- No Jewelries
- No Coloured Pen (use Black or Blue pen only)
- No Slangs (only allowed to use standard words) --> you can't even uses slangs in informal situation (even jokes !). The word 'stupid', 'crazy', 'insane' even animal's name such as 'dog', 'pigs', 'pork', 'monkey' are STRICTLY FORBIDDEN
- Doing homework at school is forbidden (even early in the morning before school starts)
- Make sure your phones are 100% deactivate, you can't even set them in 'vibrate mode'
- Use only 'stiff' clothing (Welcome to Abnegation Headquarters ) : very loose T-shirts with another shirt underneath your T-shirt (make sure your bra is 100% unseen), very long skirts that covers your knee, make sure you tug your shirt inside your skirt and use some kind of leather black belt, use black closed shoes with a pair of white socks that are 10cm above your ankle.
- Only Stiff Hair-do are allowed : a black long hair that are tight into a ponytail (no hair colour, no fancy hair band, no funky hair cut) or a simple short black haircut
- No expencive phone
- No celebrating fancy birthday party
- AND MANY MORE!!!
This is how The Prisoners might looks like
What happened if you disobeyed the rules ?
- Getting suspend is one of the common threats
- What actually happened is : you might get caught by some fellow Stiffs --> they'll tell on what you did to the teachers --> if you're lucky the teachers might just speak to you in person and solve the problems, but if you're unlucky you might received a letter that goes to your parents which means that YOUR PARENTS is the one who will face the teachers (or maybe the principle) and they will tell everything (even every single details) to your parents!!
Based on my Experience
I felt Left Out
Like what I wrote in my previous post, in the middle of class I asked a question loudly like "sir!! I have a question ?" And all the class went silent and looked at me like as if I'm an alien. Since then, everyone seems to be disgusted at me. They talk shits behind my back, they ignored me, they call me names, they laugh about how I talk (I talk in a different accent) and they treat me like a disgusting person. They wipe everything that I've touched, they seems disgusted when I am near them, they even disgusted with my stuff. They tell every mistake that I make to the teachers. Sometimes they made me pissed of on purpose so that they have something to get me into trouble and the teachers always defend them as if they are always be the good guys (note: if my explanation is unclear you can watch Fuckin Perfect, a video by P!nk for the first 50 secs. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3GkSo3ujSY). Just as illustrated on P!nk's Fuckin Perfect video, I am like the girl with the teddy bear and they are like the boy who throws her teddy bear and makes her beat him, then the teacher punished her.
Informality
As you know, The Dungeon is all about formality. No slangs, no coloured pens, ect. One day, I used a green pen to do a test. When I collect my sheet someone said "sir!! someone used a green pen!!" and the teacher read my name and scold me in front of the class.
Another thing is that I didn't pass one of my course so the only thing to pass is that we need to ask the subject teacher of an additional assignment. And I asked the teacher with a slang like "sir, I want an additional assignment!" (Original sentence : "Pak, minta tugs tambahan DONG!" --> Indonesian Language) maybe it's supposed to be "excuse me sir, may I have an additional assignment?" and the teacher give me an hour of lecture just because I said a sentence in an informal way! Just because I said the word "dong" (a slang word in Indonesian)!
My Best Friend
There was a girl in class who is so quiet, let's just name this girl "Rachel". Rachel was treated the same like me but in different way, they talk shits and make fun of her behind her back without reason. One day, in PE class we are on our way to the badminton court. I was in a car with her, I don't exactly remember what actually happened but that day we had a chat and since then we become best friends. Rachel was like my only friend for a year and we do everything together. After some times we're friends, the teachers are doing their best to separate us. I don't know what they are actually up to, but what I think is that either they are jealous of us (maybe they never had a best friend before) or they're trying to make us feel miserable (that's more like it ! I mean, WELCOME TO THE DUNGEON!!!)
Because of that we decided to follow the philosophy of Stoicism and be a Stoic. Stoicism is an old Greek Philosophy that endurance pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint. In another word, Stoicism never use their feelings.
My Best Friend
There was a girl in class who is so quiet, let's just name this girl "Rachel". Rachel was treated the same like me but in different way, they talk shits and make fun of her behind her back without reason. One day, in PE class we are on our way to the badminton court. I was in a car with her, I don't exactly remember what actually happened but that day we had a chat and since then we become best friends. Rachel was like my only friend for a year and we do everything together. After some times we're friends, the teachers are doing their best to separate us. I don't know what they are actually up to, but what I think is that either they are jealous of us (maybe they never had a best friend before) or they're trying to make us feel miserable (that's more like it ! I mean, WELCOME TO THE DUNGEON!!!)
Because of that we decided to follow the philosophy of Stoicism and be a Stoic. Stoicism is an old Greek Philosophy that endurance pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint. In another word, Stoicism never use their feelings.
A Secret Place
Because of that uncomfortable situation, Rachel and I decided to have a secret hiding place inside The Dungeon. We decided to make the parking area (the basement) to be our secret place. So after school we visit our secret place to laugh, scream, shout, relieve our stress, making fun of The Dungeon members, eating Gorengan (Indonesian street snacks) that we brought from the nearest Warung (the place that sells Gorengan), playing tag, the point is that we get to be ourselves. One day there is a new security and she caught us playing in the basement. She told one of the teacher about it, and the teacher gives us an ultimatum by saying that we will never passed her class if we dare to enter the basement. Since then we have nowhere to relieved our stress.
Betrayed
One day, the teacher asked about what was I struggled with. He asked me to write it as honest I could and promised that he won't tell anyone about it. I was thinking that maybe I could trust him, maybe The Dungeon teachers has their own bright side. So I honestly wrote everything about what I'd been trough. A couple of days later, we had a talk about it, and I explained to him in details, he seems to understand my problem. Until one day, my mom received a text message from him and he said that he want to talk to her in person. I had a bad feeling about that. And I was right about that feeling, he told everything about what I said to her. Since then, I learned one lesson that I shouldn't trust anyone, especially someone from The Dungeon.
Betrayed
One day, the teacher asked about what was I struggled with. He asked me to write it as honest I could and promised that he won't tell anyone about it. I was thinking that maybe I could trust him, maybe The Dungeon teachers has their own bright side. So I honestly wrote everything about what I'd been trough. A couple of days later, we had a talk about it, and I explained to him in details, he seems to understand my problem. Until one day, my mom received a text message from him and he said that he want to talk to her in person. I had a bad feeling about that. And I was right about that feeling, he told everything about what I said to her. Since then, I learned one lesson that I shouldn't trust anyone, especially someone from The Dungeon.
The Result of Being a Prisoner
Negative Thoughts
The main reason of why I was end up in The Dungeon is my parents. Well it's not really my "parents" it's actually my dad, but I at that time I don't really know the exact story it. All I know is that my mom who is more dominant in the family, so I thought that she is the one who comes up with that stupid idea to put me in The Dungeon. That makes me hates my parents, especially my mom. I talk shits about her at school, I make a bad reputation about her, I did that because I want to revenge on them for putting me in The Dungeon.
At that time I had hard times with people. I don't trust anyone. I was so paranoid, I keep my distance from every human being in my life (except Rachel) to avoid getting more hurt. I was thinking that everyone had a motivation to hurt me. I even kept distance to my other best friends, includes my best friend that I had known from kindergarten. I assumed that all people in The Dungeon are bad (even the innocent ones), I wrote negative stories about them, calling them names like "Stupid Pig Dolls". I wrote negative posts about everyone on Facebook so that everyone knows how tensed I was. Facebook is the only thing I can trust (I know, that's STUPID). I did all these stupid things because I don't know how to express myself, I was just a foolish, unstable teenager who had so much pressure.
In conclusion I was Paranoid, I was scared of everyone, everything, I felt that life really haunts me.
The main reason of why I was end up in The Dungeon is my parents. Well it's not really my "parents" it's actually my dad, but I at that time I don't really know the exact story it. All I know is that my mom who is more dominant in the family, so I thought that she is the one who comes up with that stupid idea to put me in The Dungeon. That makes me hates my parents, especially my mom. I talk shits about her at school, I make a bad reputation about her, I did that because I want to revenge on them for putting me in The Dungeon.
At that time I had hard times with people. I don't trust anyone. I was so paranoid, I keep my distance from every human being in my life (except Rachel) to avoid getting more hurt. I was thinking that everyone had a motivation to hurt me. I even kept distance to my other best friends, includes my best friend that I had known from kindergarten. I assumed that all people in The Dungeon are bad (even the innocent ones), I wrote negative stories about them, calling them names like "Stupid Pig Dolls". I wrote negative posts about everyone on Facebook so that everyone knows how tensed I was. Facebook is the only thing I can trust (I know, that's STUPID). I did all these stupid things because I don't know how to express myself, I was just a foolish, unstable teenager who had so much pressure.
In conclusion I was Paranoid, I was scared of everyone, everything, I felt that life really haunts me.
Cutting
I had no one to trust, I had no one who understood about what I had been trough. I kept all my problems for myself, and I can't stand it for so long. One day, I saw a cutter on my desk, and my mind kept telling me to cut my self. It's like "go ahead ! have some cuts, everybody hates you, and you should hate yourself ! you're a worthless bitch !" and I did, I cut myself. That feels good ! It's like all the heavy thoughts in my head are gone ! I felt better ! But the next day, a teacher saw the scars. That makes me got into trouble. She asked me about what happened. I couldn't trust her, and I know I shouldn't. But she kept asking, like as if she's forcing me to get an answer. I can't stand it, I cried. But still, she still forced me. Plus, she promised me that I could trust her. So I lost, I told her everything what happened. And that was a mistake. The next day, as usual the school arranged a private meeting with my parents to tell them about the cut and everything I said. That makes my parents (especially my mom) so wrathful ! They were so mad at me. I shouldn't have trust that teacher, I shouldn't trust anyone, and that makes me felt regret.
I had no one to trust, I had no one who understood about what I had been trough. I kept all my problems for myself, and I can't stand it for so long. One day, I saw a cutter on my desk, and my mind kept telling me to cut my self. It's like "go ahead ! have some cuts, everybody hates you, and you should hate yourself ! you're a worthless bitch !" and I did, I cut myself. That feels good ! It's like all the heavy thoughts in my head are gone ! I felt better ! But the next day, a teacher saw the scars. That makes me got into trouble. She asked me about what happened. I couldn't trust her, and I know I shouldn't. But she kept asking, like as if she's forcing me to get an answer. I can't stand it, I cried. But still, she still forced me. Plus, she promised me that I could trust her. So I lost, I told her everything what happened. And that was a mistake. The next day, as usual the school arranged a private meeting with my parents to tell them about the cut and everything I said. That makes my parents (especially my mom) so wrathful ! They were so mad at me. I shouldn't have trust that teacher, I shouldn't trust anyone, and that makes me felt regret.
Peer Pressure
I felt uncomfortable at school, at home as well. So I decided to find a 'runaway'. I was closed with my maid at that time, she's a fractionless Anytime I felt stressed I just call her to sneak out after school. We have fun, going to places that I never been, eat some kind of cheep street food that I won't be allowed to eat because it's unhealthy, ridding public transportation. And I started to get along with her friends too. It starts from being friends on Facebook. Then I started to chat with them. They compliment my posts. They said I'm beautiful. I never felt appreciated before. I felt that they gave me a worm welcome to joint them. One of them asked me to be his girlfriend, and I accepted him (even though I don't really know him). He seems to be so nice, he compliment me so much, he seems to care about me, he seems to understand my feelings, his mouth seems to be so sweet. But actually all of these things are fake. I mean his love, was a fake love. He was an expert fliter, he also flirts other girls as well. I found out about this after one year of our relationship. But I can't blame him anyway. I don't actually love him as well. the reason I dated him is not because I love him, it's just a runaway.
My Biggest Regret
I regret my easy to give up behavior. I mean I should of just try to persuade my parents. I should of said something like "I dont want to go to that Dungeon ! Id rather not go to school !" Or something like that. I mean what could possebly go wrong ? Beaten up until dead ? Well I reather die than being in The Dungeon for 3 years and have my life ruind by anxiety. Being uneducated ? Being a Factionless ? That's much more better ! At least I wount have to live with Social Anxiety.
Instead of giving effort for my life I just give it away like that. Give up ! Just to avoid conflict with my parents. Just because I'm scared of being uneducated and having a dark future (jobless, lack of knowlage, ect). But the fact is that anxiety is more darker future that being uneducated ! If only I'd known what is happening know, I would take all the risk to avoid The Dungeon. Next : Panem
My Biggest Regret
I regret my easy to give up behavior. I mean I should of just try to persuade my parents. I should of said something like "I dont want to go to that Dungeon ! Id rather not go to school !" Or something like that. I mean what could possebly go wrong ? Beaten up until dead ? Well I reather die than being in The Dungeon for 3 years and have my life ruind by anxiety. Being uneducated ? Being a Factionless ? That's much more better ! At least I wount have to live with Social Anxiety.
Instead of giving effort for my life I just give it away like that. Give up ! Just to avoid conflict with my parents. Just because I'm scared of being uneducated and having a dark future (jobless, lack of knowlage, ect). But the fact is that anxiety is more darker future that being uneducated ! If only I'd known what is happening know, I would take all the risk to avoid The Dungeon. Next : Panem
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